Drew passed away a year ago on Ash Wednesday. That is not today this year of course, we have a week and a day until then.
Ash Wednesday is a time of preparing for and thinking of death. The liturgical color is purple, which was Drew's favorite color and that was part of what I remember from the message at his funeral.
Last year I was planning on giving up soda, my caffeine of choice, for Lent. However since Drew died on Ash Wednesday, I didn't give up soda. I needed the caffeine to function. I feel the same this year. Perhaps that is not surprise. I do not know if I will ever feel like giving up anything for Lent again. I have given enough up already.
More of a surprise is that we actually considered going to the Ash Wednesday service and then decided we couldn't do it. We go on Sunday usually, but I wasn't sure I could do the whole ashes on the forehead ritual.
So we skipped out and spent the evening having dinner with friends as we do most Wednesdays. Meg really likes having the other children to play with and we like not having to cook the whole meal, just to bring our part. Our friends understand if we want to talk about Drew or seem down. They don't feel the need to attempt to "fix" us or make us happy either which makes it all the more welcome company.
Now as the season of Lent starts, I wonder will Easter feel like resurrection this year? Or will it just be another reminder of loss.