Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Hope. peace. love, and that other thing

Well I should probably update. We made it through both Christmas and Drew and Meg's birthday the day after. Neither were as bad as last year, but we were of course sad in patches.

We have started thinking about the things we can stand to do even if they suck a bit and the things that aren't worth it. Birthday party for Meg on her and Drew's birthday: worth it. Attending church during the joy Sunday of advent: not worth it. The four Sunday's of advent have themes of hope, peace, love, and joy. We can manage the first three, although church is often not easy to bear, but the last one was awful. Not that I don't have moments of joy, but Christmas isn't really about joy for me right now.

I'll write more about the birthday later I hope, assuming I'm not too busy this semester. However right now we do best when we are reasonably busy, when there is something to do and not too much time to think. I suspect it will remain this way until we make it through the anniversary of Drew's death at the end of February.


  1. I hope this doesn't sound strange but I was just thinking of you, Drew and Meg just last week. I'm glad to read your update.

    Your description of the balance between things that you can stand to do and things that aren't worth it makes a great deal of sense to me. I know that our circumstances are very different but I've also felt that I wanted to have a big birthday party for J on the girls' birthday. It is worth it and I want to do it.

    I know I find it difficult to feel a deep, sustained joy these days. I do feel joy, very much so, but it comes in bursts.

    Thinking of you and your family over the coming weeks as you approach the anniversary of Drew's death. I know I've said this before and they seem like such inadequate little words to say when confronted by the loss of your son but I am so very sorry.